Tag Archives: College Graduate

Growing Expectations, or Killing Them.

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I used to think growing up meant a lot of things.

Independence. Glamor. Older. Wiser. Full of Direction.

Growing up means you know how to make a pot of coffee (and drink it).

Growing up means you can eat pizza and donuts all you want and have no curfew.

Growing up means you know what you like and don’t like – for the most part. (I still can’t decide how I feel about water chestnuts).

Growing up means you have it all together.

Growing up means a lot of things, right?

I used to think a lot like Jenna Rink in 13 Going on 30. Once you make it passed the awkward teen years and the mean schoolgirls, you hit 30 with style, or as Jenna says, “30, flirty and thriving.” And only after the magical fairy dust settles, transforming Jenna into the so-called fabulous 30 year old, does she realize it might not be all she’s dreamed it could be.

I’m not 30. (whew, thank heavens I am NOT 30 yet.) Nope, not 30. I’m a few weeks shy of 23 and being a grown up hasn’t quite matched up to what I had dreamed.

I never sat around picturing my 20s, or held tightly onto a fashion magazine hoping I would magically become like the pictures, as Jenna did. But I did have expectations.

I had ideas of what my 20s would look like, of what me as a “grown up” would look like. As I’ve gotten older, I haven’t figured more of life out. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned it’s not really about figuring it all out. It’s not about supposedly knowing what an adult looks like. It’s not even about living up to who I thought I would be when I was a young and naive preteen.

To me, growing older has been more about me letting go of what I thought this season of my life would look like. I don’t want magical fairy dust or Jenna’s wishful dreams of adulthood. I think I’d like to proudly become older knowing I’m choosing to do it my way rather than the way others are telling me.

I’ve had many suggestions on how to change my perspective to make more money or get a husband or find a real job. I’ve had plenty of those ideas, but I’ve only had maybe one or two comforting and unknowingly very welcoming “It’s okay’s.”

I’m here to tell those who are like me and in the in-between, those who are unsure and undecided, those who have only felt discouragement lately:

It’s okay.

It’s okay to be where you are. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to leave behind your expectations of what growing up looks like. It’s okay to be figuring it out.

It’s all okay.

Windblown Changes

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There’s a window at the coffee shop I work at. Behind the barista’s counter, behind the dishwasher, there’s one, big window facing Lake Michigan. In the summer, the baristas gather near the window during lulls, hoping for a cool breeze, some relief to the beating heat. The window was wide open then, with a barely-there screen separating the outdoors to those stuck inside the working walls of espresso machines and surly customers. During the summer, the window stays open all the time. It has to be jimmied shut (I mean, I’ve heard a hammer and a crow bar are sometimes necessary) so we aren’t allowed to close it. No questions asked, the window stays open until it gets cold. Sort of like turning on your heat, you wait until you just can’t wait anymore, probably when there’s already a foot of snow, a frost advisory, and you’ve had to shovel once so far. That’s how our window is, once we close the window, it stays shut for the winter.

Last week, I came into work and it was some time before I noticed something was different. The other baristas swore everything was the same, but I had this feeling, something was out of place. And then I saw it… the window. The window was closed.

I am a little embarrassed to admit it, but my heart twinged a little. I was hurt. The window was closed and no one told me? How did this happen so soon, it’s only November!

Later, I found out the owner had walked behind the counter one night when the weather dropped below 40 and made the executive decision to shut the window. Obviously, she didn’t need my new-employee approval to close the window, but she could have asked, right?

I don’t mind change. I actually kinda like it. The newness, the fresh looks, the brand new challenges that change bring, they keep me on my feet. But I only tend to like change when I know it’s coming, when I have time to talk myself into it, consult my faithful lists, and prepare accordingly. When I know it’s coming, I like change.

Somehow though, every year, more specifically every three or so months, I’m surprised by seasonal changes. They hit me like a slap in the face. *Ouch* How come no one told me it was already time for the leaves to start falling? Or, I didn’t get a personal invitation to spring? Or, I just wasn’t ready for the window to be closed. The kind of change that hurts.

Graduating college felt something like that. Sure, it was inevitable for me, like the seasons, but I just wasn’t ready yet. I wasn’t ready to actually see the window be closed, even though each of the baristas had told me at one time or another that we don’t touch the window and when the boss finally does, the window is closed for good. I wasn’t ready to actually graduate and find my successful, career footings, even though professors and meetings and final exams were all building up to the culminating graduation. I just wasn’t ready yet.

Yes, I had time to prepare. Plenty of time in those four years, actually. It happens to other people all the time! They graduate, they find jobs, they move on. So how is it different with me? I had my trusty lists, I talked myself into it, but then what? Then I got rejection email after rejection email. One after another, employers were passing on what I had to offer. My encouraging motivation and excitement for finding a steady, full-time job was thrown into the wind with each “Thank you for your interest, but…” line I read. I just wasn’t ready for that yet.  No one told me what to do if I can’t find a job. No one prepared me for how to get back up on your feet after hearing so many reasons why I’m incompetent or unqualified. No one told me what to do or how to handle this seasonal change.

I shouldn’t be expecting a personal invite to winter, like I shouldn’t be expecting a handwritten instructional guide to “the post-college, job-searching, in-between-life” months (or years). It just happens. And when it does happen, we figure it out.

Sometimes seasons change, whether we are ready or not, and sometimes we work at coffee shops with windows that shut. We put on a coat, we apply for another dozen positions, and we keep going.

___

P.S. I probably should mention, as you may have noticed already, I changed my blog’s name (yes, again). The title now reads, “Steeped in Sunshine.” The phrase comes from Charles Dickens’ Oliver Twist:

“Spring flew swiftly by, and summer came; and if the village had been beautiful at first, it was now in the full glow and luxuriance of its richness. The great trees, which had looked shrunken and bare in the earlier months, had now burst into strong life and health; and stretching forth their green arms over the thirsty ground, converted open and naked spots into choice nooks, where was a deep and pleasant shade from which to look upon the wide prospect, steeped in sunshine, which lay stretched out beyond. The earth had donned her mantle of brightest green; and shed her richest perfumes abroad. It was the prime and vigour of the year; all things were glad and flourishing.”

More than Dickens poetic description – and my love for a well-steeped tea – I know all too much how the sun and the seasons can affect moods and emotions. I think rain or shine, snow or sleet, our lives have the opportunity to feel steeped in all the sunshine life has to offer us. We can live each day as if it’s the sunniest, most perfect day there ever was, and that’s how I want to live: Steeped in Sunshine.

Thanks for reading today, on this ironically dreary day.

-Al

Life After College

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It’s my first week in this place we call “life after college” and I’ve already learned a handful of things. They’re more like observations of this whole new world I am learning to be part of.

First, I found out very quickly what a strange phenomenon it is to go from being a Student to Unemployed. Yikes, that’s a scary one. It was easy in the past to say, “I’m a student.” And now, for the first time in my life, I’m not. I’m an aspiring writer. I’m a graduate. But, I’m unemployed.

Which leads to my next observation: The Question. “What are you doing now?” I mean, it’s a fair question to ask, but as I said before, I can no longer jump past the question with a simple – if not honorable – answer. Sure, I am in the 34 percent of the U.S. population with a college degree, but what am I doing now? “It’s complicated,” and we can leave it at that.

Next, I have now heard more than a few people say, “Well, get a job!” And with all my might, I suppress the response I most want to say. “Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on little jobbies?!” – Courtesy of Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Instead, I smile nicely and mutter something about trying.

Another observation I’ve had is the amount of mom’s I now see on a daily basis. I used to live in a college town with college students shopping at crazy college times. We could order pizza at 3 a.m. or walk into Walmart 10 minutes before it closed and still get all our groceries. Now, I go into any store (and not to stereotype) and the people around me are all stay-at-home moms. And I’m over here like, “Nope, no baby here.” It’s a whole new world out there at mid-day.

The plus side is that I now have the option to go shopping in the middle of the day! It’s great. I know it won’t last for long, but a girl can still bask in the sun or take a two-hour Target run if she wants, post-college.

And lastly, job hunting is exhausting. After reading the first hundred or so job entries, I almost want to nap and regroup later. I have this degree, yet oddly enough, I don’t seem qualified for most of the postings out there.

So, in the meantime, I can enjoy this period of Rest – knowing it might not come around again soon.

Goodbyes and Growing Up

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Lately, each day I have set aside time in the peaceful, quiet mornings to reflect on my college years.

It’s not much, but it’s helpful looking back on how I have matured through the processes these four years took me through. And while I wouldn’t be considered “good” at goodbyes, I’m saying goodbye in my own ways. I don’t like the sad goodbyes. I like the ones with smiles, knowing we won’t easily be forgotten or the smiles affirming how blessed our time together has been.

The process of growing up is to be valued for what we gain, not for what we lose.” – C.S. Lewis

Similar to goodbyes, growing up can be looked at as losing the things – or people – we desperately want to hold on to. Instead, goodbyes and growing up should be valued and revered for the how time has brought us to where we are now.

I could never have imagined the relationships I have formed with friends, roommates, classmates or professors. And if I would have planned my life out in advance, I would have missed a lot from the unexpected.

I can’t follow my own plans, I have learned.

This college was never on a Top 10 list, or even a Maybe list. It was on the unwritten, Do Not Go list along with several other schools that had too many hills or not enough nature paths. But what do I know? Turns out, this was the perfect school for me. If I would have followed my own plan I would have passed up on a lot of good things.

I wanted to drop out of college my sophomore year. Thankfully, I was persuaded to stay. And I will soon be a college graduate, with classes and lessons I would not have experience had I given up years ago.

My plans may be subpar, considering I would have missed a whole heck of a lot between just two decisions. But I can now look back at the university and all the formed relationships with a smiling goodbye, knowing we won’t be easily forgotten and have been blessed to be together.

So with goodbyes and growing up, I know definitively I have gained much more than I will ever be able to lose.

Ways Not to Find a Job

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It seems like yesterday was New Years. And today it’s March.

Just yesterday I was a freshman, walking into classes intimidated by the scary upperclassmen. And today I am 10 weeks away from graduating. I can’t believe how quickly college has flown by, now It’s already time to start looking for jobs.

As I prepare to look for my first position in the real world, there are a few sure-fire ways to fail before I even begin. Here are just a few:

Sit back and wait for a job to come to you. Last fall, when the first inklings of my future were popping into my head, I would freak out about what I would do and where I would go in life. There was never any action taken, just nervousness. I would wish for a door to be open right in front of me. This isn’t exactly the best way to find a job worth looking for.

Post trashy pictures on Facebook. The other day I googled myself and couldn’t believe the pictures that showed up. Things from high school, and pictures I had linked to other friends. Not only was I wigged out to see memories I hadn’t even remembered myself, but I can only imagine what would have flashed on my screen if I had been some crazy party-er. Nothing’s ever private on the internet.

Make a resume full of generalized adjectives. I cringe when I see resumes that include “friendly, team player, self-starter.” How extremely nondescript. I’m sure you won’t set yourself apart with broad terms like these. Put some extra effort into your individual, positive characteristics

Typos, anywhere. You can’t prove to an employer you’re perfect for a job if you write something with the wrong they’re/their or your/you’re. Yikes, proofread everything you send in.

Word vomiting in an interview. Over-sharing your life story can be a little TMI for someone who wants to hire a stable, hardworking employee. When I get nervous, I ramble on and on and on. This could put me at a slight disadvantage, possibly exposing too much.

Even thinking about these things gets me worried about finding a job. But above all else, it’s proving to another person why you are perfect for the job. So whether or not you slip up in one way, you can be have hope in a second chance, although it may be for another open door.